5 Reasons We Haven't been Posting on Listacular

1. Profound indolence
2. Consumed by the train wreck that is Britney Spears
3. Looking for something in the garage
4. Finishing our doctorate in Applied Molecular Gastronomy
5. Inadvertently started writing for Perez Hilton
   

Ill-Advised Poker Bluffing Techniques

• Call your broker before your last bet telling him to "Buy, buy, buy!"
  
  
• Remove your pants to display your erection.
  
  
• Keep repeating, "I have a really good hand."
  
  
• Using another deck of cards you have in your pocket, put together a royal flush and flash it to your opponents.
  
  
• Say, "I don't think you want to do that" after anybody else raises.
  
  
• Drool.
  
  
• Eat the creme from the middle of an Oreo cookie.
  
  
• Ask your opponents how much they want for their cars.
  
  
• Pass out business cards for a bankruptcy lawyer to the other players.
  
  

8 CB Handles That Probably Won't Be Convincing

1. Gosh
2. Pope Tampon the Magnificent
3. Jermajesty
4. Cop Killer
5. Viscomte Guillaume Renard Saucisson de Beaumarchez
6. Pickles
7. Dick CockTower, King of the Rodeo
8. 18 Wheels of Taffy Love
   

Top Ten Rejected Clown Names

1. Spanks Hugworthy
   
2. Scaly McUndershirts
   
3. Winky O'Sweats
   
4. D.D. Tinkle Grabbers
   
5. Trembles the Hobo
   
6. Pasty Shingles
   
7. Uncle Booger Fun
   
8. Mr. Sticky Pockets
   
9. Captain Shaky Fingers
   
10. Stinky Shorts McGee

Our 10 Worst Actresses

I was planning to write a little snarky paragraph about each of these actresses, but after writing a few of them I realized they were all going to sound exactly the same. These women all get a lot of work, get paid well, and pretty much play exactly the same character in all their movies. Don't expect range, nuance, or depth. These women can single-handedly make a good movie average and an average movie unwatchable.

1. Cameron Diaz

Acting low: What Happens in Vegas 

2. Jessica Alba

Acting low: Good Luck Chuck

3. Jennifer Lopez

Acting low: Gigli

4. Sandra Bullock

Acting low: Speed

5. Katie Holmes

Acting low: Batman Begins

6. Kate Hudson

Acting low: Fool's Gold

7. Winona Ryder

Acting low: Dracula

8. Jennifer Aniston

Acting low: The Break Up

9. Nicole Kidman

Acting low: Eyes Wide Shut

10. Halle Berry

Acting low: Catwoman