6 Unique Christmas Ideas for the Jerk Who Has Everything

Show both your jealousy and ingenuity this Christmas!

1. Make macaroni sculpture of their lifelong idol being eaten by jackals.
2. Two words: Homemade porn.
3. Create and lovingly decorate an animated flip book of your ass using your office copy machine.
4. Make them a recording of yourself singing both parts of "Don't Go Breaking My Heart."
5. Name a star after them using their least preferred nickname (and to the right of Betelgeuse, you can see "Stink Ass Johnson").
6. Sign them up for the "Mystery Lunch Meat of the Month" club by mailing them a slice of lunch meat in a fancy envelope every month.