7 Reasons We're Not Sending Christmas Cards This Year

1. To protest the lack of support in Congress for a Santa's Workshop bailout.
2. We couldn't find a card that said "this makes up for the fact that we see you at barbecues every two years now because at some point we realized you just make us uncomfortable."
   
3. Our fantasy football team sucked and we spent our Christmas budget on late season waiver moves.
4. We can't condone a holiday that compels an overweight senior to break into people's homes.
5. We need to devote more time to building pornographic snowmen.
6. We're members of a small religious sect that worships the Easter Bunny.
7. We're sending all of our Christmas greetings via email. Just look for the one with the subject line "V!@GRA AND CI@Li$ FOR A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!