Friday, October 31, 2008

Other Reasons Why Joaquin Phoenix Is Retiring From Acting

  • Ever since Gladiator, he feels he's been type-cast as an incestuous weirdo.
  • Doesn't want that butcher apprenticeship to go to waste.
  • Bowling league scheduling conflict.
  • The tights were starting to chafe.
  • Thinks he's REALLY Johnny Cash.
  • Latent cloud of despondency from being in an M. Night Shyamalan movie.
  • Tired of acting like an idiot.
  • Feels that the hot women of Wal-Mart are afraid to approach him because he is a Hollywood superstar.
  • Memorizing lines sucks.
  • He'll be back next year, right Brett Favre!?

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