Other Reasons Why Joaquin Phoenix Is Retiring From Acting

• Ever since Gladiator, he feels he's been type-cast as an incestuous weirdo.
  
• Doesn't want that butcher apprenticeship to go to waste.
• Bowling league scheduling conflict.
  
• The tights were starting to chafe.
  
• Thinks he's REALLY Johnny Cash.
  
• Latent cloud of despondency from being in an M. Night Shyamalan movie.
  
• Tired of acting like an idiot.
  
• Feels that the hot women of Wal-Mart are afraid to approach him because he is a Hollywood superstar.
  
• Memorizing lines sucks.
  
• He'll be back next year, right Brett Favre!?